Today, I feel like I am waiting for something that is

never going to happen.

I am close to ruins.

I am alone today,

And alone is lonely.

Today I want to run away and hide out

until I feel safe here again,

But I don't know what I'm running from.

You were beautiful before you left

And seeing you even more beautiful now that you're back,

Well baby, it might just break my heart.

I became a monster when you were gone.

Not because you were gone

just, while you were gone.

None of this was your fault,

so I have no intention of letting you try to fix it.

I thought I'd let you know

If these things take forever,

I especially am slow.

But I realize that I need you

And I wondered if I could come home

we are the lovers, we are the last of our kind

The lamb said “Shh” and I yelled.

The lamb held out his hand and I broke every bone there with my grip,

because I didn't believe I would be safe.

The lamb promised beautiful and I covered myself in dirt.

the lamb said “this much” and I drove the nails.

The lamb held me in my sleep and I curse his name as I woke.

He loves. he loves. he loves.

I am holding his heart already.

And I am learning that I can be sustained on his blood alone,

that I can give my own hear to him.

The lamb said “Shh” and I yelled,

so he made the world around me louder so I could obey.

source

It's not the long walk home that will change this heart

It's the welcome I'll receive with the restart

Run & Hide

I bet you're sweet and hard to get over.

I think I'm coming undone.

I'm sorry I let you down,

but you have to know this

the part of me that you have

means more than all the parts they have

and if you still want me,

I'm all yours.

I'm waiting for you to be the one I'm waiting for.

Every inch of you

Because I know that's

What you want me to do

too drunk

and even worse,

much too lonely

You can have my time

You can have my words

You can have my thoughts

You can have my promise

You can have my affection

You can have my attention

You can have my secrets

You can have my body.

What you can't have is my heart.

Not because I wouldn't give it to you,

I would.

But what would a boy like you want

With something so broken?

I think I saw you in my sleep, darling,

I think I saw you in my dreams, you were

Stitching up the seams on every broken promise

That your body couldn't keep

I think I saw you in my sleep

Steal my heart and break my pride

I've nowhere to stand and now nowhere to hide

Align my heart, my body, my mind

To face what I've done

And do my time

I gave you all.

No amount of coffee

No amount of crying

No amount of whiskey

No amount of wine

No no no no no

Nothing else will do

I've gotta have you

you were real, you were something. you had arms to hold me and a mouth to kiss me. you weren't just something i made up. you were there. you danced with me, you held me, you protected me, you were there with me when the sun rose, you walked the streets with me at dawn, you kissed me goodbye when the taxi came. you were real, you were something. and now you're gone, like you always said you would be. gone. but i still remember when you were mine.

I like myself better when I'm with you.

You got time to burn in the heat of the moment.

you could be the one to save me

or you could be the one to break me.

was it worth it? did you find everything you were looking for in his arms? was it what you'd been expecting that moment to be ever since you were a little girl? did he hold you tight and beg you not to go in the morning? did he text you goodnight the next day when everything caught up to you and you found yourself on the bathroom floor weeping and more alone than ever? stupid girl. he will never love you the way you need to be loved. he probably won't even remember your name by next week. was it worth it?

I look for you in everyone I see now,

No one measures up, not even close.

I'm always looking for what I felt in your arms

The first time you held me,

For what I saw in your eyes

The first time you saw me,

For what I heard in your voice

The first time you told me,

For what I knew in my heart

The first time it hit me.

There's no other arms I want to run to.

No other pair of eyes I want to look into.

No other voice I need to hear.

No other heart I'd rather hold.

It was you from the beginning,

You came and you saved me,

You found me

When no one else was even looking.

It was you it was you it was you

It is you it is you it is you.

I can't fool myself into wanting another

when all I want is you.

I'll lie here broken on this floor

until I feel you again

and I won't get up for anyone else.

You are the one I want.

I used to know you so well.

I was better when you were here.

I do love You

I do love You

You are the life I needed all along

Today I am learning that I can't stay one step ahead of the pain forever. Reality hurts.

Oh babe I know it's alive

and somewhere for us to find tonight

Chase this light with me

Oh the way You love me. The way You stretch forth Your hand of mercy when I fail You and I fail You again and still Your hand is outstretched.

The way You went willingly to the cross to be broken and beaten and killed by my sin and the way You'd do it again in a heartbeat

just

for

me

and I still live in sin and still You went and You bled and You died.

And the way You find me in my darkest hour and You shine Your light and I choose to love the darkness and still Your light shines.

And Oh the way You love me even when I hate You and still You love just the same.

I'm the desperate and You're the Saviour.

If only you could see the stranger next to me.

There is healing in Your name.

Stay with me

You're the one I need

You make the hardest things seem easy

I know these little moments move Your heart, and I know that right now that's all that matters. In this place where everything inside me wants to fall apart, You hold me together. When I'm too weak to walk this road, You are my strong arm. I will continue to reach for You. Yes, my heart will reach- even if only for a moment before I break- because I know it moves Your heart.

I am jealous for your affections.

“It’s like, it doesn’t honor God to pretend like everything is OK. That’s the beauty of Jesus that so many people miss. The beauty is that he died on the cross for our sins, but also that he existed the way we exist. He understands what it’s like to lose a friend. He’s not unfamiliar with those emotions. He’s not unfamiliar with the difficulty of human life. To me that’s what makes Jesus as God beautiful. He totally understands. He went out of his way to prove to us that he understands our situation. So when he has something to say, it’s not coming from this high and lofty standpoint. It’s coming from this person who understands intricately the perils of human existence.”

-John Mark Mcmillan

I don't want to become a stranger. I don't want to forget how Your voice sounds or the way You hold me till the storm passes. I don't want to run away from home anymore. I don't want to desire anything less than all of You. I don't want to live in loneliness and fear. I will run into Your arms again. Yes, I will run. Like a prodigal to my Father's warm embrace, I will run. And You carry me, You give Your child sweet rest, You restore my strength.

"you thought you couldn't live without him. on that very first day the weeks and months stretched ahead of you in infinity. they wrapped around the world, then circled the moon and drifted onwards to the universe. you followed this empty time as it skipped lazily across the sky. it forced you to look up at the stars until you lost yourself in their beauty. suddenly much to your surprise, time stood still as the sun rose and your broken heart was filled with light"

(if anyone knows who wrote this, please let me know.)