Monday, August 31, 2009

i'm about to go in for my brain scan...

i'm a teeny weeny bit really quite scared.
Depression, when it's clinical, is not a metaphor. It runs in families and it's known to respond to medication and counselling. However, truly you believe there's a sickness to existence that can never be cured. If you're depressed you will sooner or later surrender and say: I just dont want to feel bad anymore. The shift from despressive realism to tragic realism, from being immobilized by darkness to being sustained by it. Thus strangley seem's to require believing in the possibility of a cure...
i love yeezy.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

screw you,
and your little dog too.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

"the day starts with coffee, ends with coffee, revolves around coffee. no joke....
with coffee, i drink about as much as i sell.
here's one for you,
and one for me,
one for you.. et cetra."
-the orphaned anythings, stephen christian
i never thought i'd be capable of hating anyone.
guess i just proved myself wrong.

Friday, August 28, 2009

live for today, we'll dream tomorrow, we've got big plans in sight. we'll take this city, and by nightfall the bright lights are calling. everything is going our way. everything is just as we planned. this is our future for what we've heard, and i've still got your hand.
and it feels like we could last forever, and i'm not doing this alone.
when memories fade we've got eachother, when time and confusion collide, singing;
i hold it all when hold you.
cole mohr. yarr please.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

wag wag wag wag wag.

i'm determined to love each day more than i'm afraid of it.
God help me.
somewhere in the middle of everyone hating everyone
and copying each other for attention and trying to make something pretty just to get laid.
we actually said something to each other.

we are all lonely and scared
we all have problems,
big ones.
we all love someone way too fucking much.

let's talk about it.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

okay, i must have one of these.
i wish i was strong.
i wish it was summer.
i wish you still knew me.
i wish people could understand.
i wish i lived in a different country.
i wish i knew how to make things right.
i wish i could tell someone everything again.
i wish i could start this year over and make less mistakes.
i wish i didn't wish for you.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

why can't i manage to do anything right?
i quit.

Monday, August 24, 2009

if all else fails...

do you remember how we met? silhouetted by the lights... you were drunk and tried to take a mental picture with your hands. i was thinking about that and a bunch of other things. stop looking at the floor... i need to pour out this expansive dose of words. i can't explain... i need to be alone.
i know the timing isn't great, but these things you just can't plan. i just need a little time so i can find myself again. 'cause I get buried underneath all the things they think you are, and i'm too tired to pretend it doesn't hurt to be left out.
i had a pocket full of dreams, but i gave them all to you. now i think i want them back, so can you tell me if i'm crazy or confused? don't ever change the way you are... i've never loved anyone more.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

dallas green.

Friday, August 21, 2009

not okay. not okay at all.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

I’m a lot more confident in my handsomeness than in my wisdom. Brandon Flowers
you know they're all the same.
you know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
live right now. yeah, just be yourself.
it doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
it just takes some time, little girl
you're in the middle of the ride,
everything, everything will be just fine.
everything, everything will be alright.
jimmy eat world are so my new drug.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

the reason you think i'm not being completely honest with you, is probably cos i'm not. i'm so sorry. i'm trying, i am.
the person you love is 72.8% water.

Monday, August 17, 2009

i'm about to break down.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

there's a house across the river but alas i cannot swim, and a garden of such beauty that the flowers seem to grin. there's a house across the river but alas i cannot swim, i'll live my life regretting that i never jumped in.
there's a boy across the river with short black curly hair, he wants to be my lover and i want to be his peer. there's a boy across the river, but alas i cannot swim and i never will get to put my arms around him.
there's a life across the river that was meant for me, instead i live my life in constant misery.
there's a life across the river but i do not see why i should please those who will never be pleased..

Saturday, August 15, 2009

crazy, blurry, fire on one side, flood on the other, people-i-love-dying nightmare. woke up at 10:23, couldn't open my eyes, couldn't walk straight, dripping with sweat, crazy migraine.
and now lucy's not replying to me checking she's okay cos part of my nightmare involved her dying infront of me.
this isn't nice.

Friday, August 14, 2009

i'm a mess.
if your heart wears thin i will hold you up, and i will hide you when it gets too much. i'll be right beside you, nobody will break you.
right now i can't feel anything, it bothers me slightly, kinda just feel like crying.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

things that made me happy today;

-7.40am date with bethany thismorning.
-listening to marianas trench instead of doing my plot summary in english.
-getting out two books at the library and returning them within ten minutes because i realised i don't/can't read.
-the girls.
-sister got me wendys at lunch.
-dissecting a lamb heart in biology.
-the rain.
- smores party with my family tonight.

sometimes you gotta find your own wings, babe. you can't ride the slipstream forever.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

i'm still carrying a little hope that maybe things could be different, now is that so wrong?
thanks for being there when i needed you x

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

sleepover at sam's tonight. so what that it's a school night?
this is exactly what i want.

Monday, August 10, 2009

i'm so sick of this. noone cares, noone even pretends to anymore. i certainly don't. i deal with what i need to, the way i need to. today someone told me that i don't look happy. i told her i'm fine.
i'm depressing today, apologies.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

my sundown

i see it around me, i see it in everything. i could be so much more than this. i said my goodbye's, this is my sundown i'm gonna be so much more than this. with one hand high you'll show them your progress. you'll take your time but no one cares, no one cares. i need you to show me the way from crazy i wanna be so much more than this.
good goodbye lovely time. good goodbye to sunshine, i'll be fine.
good goodbye
good goodnight.