Friday, February 25, 2011

hey, meet my brand new tattoo :)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
E Ihowā Atua,
O ngā iwi mātou rā
Āta whakarangona;
Me aroha noa
Kia hua ko te pai;
Kia tau tō atawhai;
Manaakitia mai
Oh how my heart aches for Christchurch.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I don't know how many of you who follow my blog are from New Zealand, but today was a very, very sad day for my nation. At 12:51pm a 6.3 scale earthquake hit the city of Christchurch (in the South Island, I live in the North). It's the second major earthquake to strike Christchurch, the first big one was in September of last year (7.2) and the whole city has been in ruins and suffering the effects of aftershocks since then. And then today, a quake of a smaller scale, but much shallower hit.. But this time there's a death toll. There's literally destruction everywhere. People are still trapped in burning buildings, under rubble, and so many are still unaccounted for. This is a heartbreaking time for Christchurch and for the whole of New Zealand, we're only a tiny country and when one part is hurting, we all hurt - it's just the way of our culture. Christchurch has an impossibly tough night ahead, i doubt there will be any sleep going on in that city tonight. My heart is aching for all the people who have lost everything and for this broken city.
Please keep New Zealand in your prayers.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

I got into university
I'm moving out of home
To the big city
Next week.
It's go time.
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Tonight I said goodbye to one of my best friends in the whole world, Immanuel (in the red short shorts haha). He's moving to Wellington to join a band and pursue his dream of playing music around the world. He's the most incredible musician I've ever known and as much as I am sad that he's now going to be so far away from where I'm moving, I am so excited to see what's in store for him. I love this man, I love his heart and I love everything he stands for and believes in. He means so much to me I can't even begin to tell you how many times he's saved me, the times he's picked me up and encouraged me when I felt like I couldn't keep going, the times he's been there to listen, to hang out, to hug me, to make me laugh and to just be a best friend.
Best dude I know, hands down.
Also check out his band,

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Sunday, February 13, 2011

I still see You there. On that hill.
I see You there when I close my eyes at night.
I see You there, broken and bleeding.
I see the pain in Your eyes as You hang there.
I still hear Your voice, soft and tender and full of love
"My beloved. Run again into my arms. I'll hold you closer than they ever could, I'll whisper sweeter words into your ear than they ever would, I'll love you deeper than you'd ever know."
And still my heart is cold towards You.
Still I turn away.
Still I choose to forget Your goodness.
But still You love me.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Throw anything at me.
If it hurts I won't show you. If I need you I won't tell you. I'm so used to being an island. These walls are a part of me now, and nothing can get past them. I'm so close to breaking but I won't be found in pieces, no one gets to see me cry. No one touches my heart. Have my body, have my time, have my constant thought.. But you'll never have my heart, there's too many secrets hidden away in there, too much aching and longing and far too much desire.
I'm waiting for the fog to lift.
I'm waiting for the phone call.
I'm waiting for a savior.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I'm asking you nicely to please get out of my head.
Seth Cohen & Ryan Atwood.. my 2 main men.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

I haven't written in a while. It's not because there's nothing write, there is.
It's because I can't put words to what I need to say.
It's because I don't know how to word excitement or pain, or anger or change or tension.
I don't know how to tell you about the boy I can't stop thinking about or the girl he wants more than me, or for that matter the other boy who does want me and the way I can't seem to want him back enough.
I can't find the words to tell you why I'm running away from everything and moving to a different city, why I'm quitting my job tomorrow and hoping that by the end of the month, I'll be gone.
I want to tell you how much I love a certain few people and how I would really do anything in the world for them, and I mean anything.
How much I hate my job. How much I want a new tattoo. How excited I am to see Jimmy Eat World in April. How I wish I could help when people needed me but how I never do.
How everything's changing and I can't do anything about it.
How I need to learn to just take it as it comes and let myself feel every now and then.
To learn to let the right people in and let the wrong people go.
To let my heart be awoken again, freed, healed.
Sometimes I’m terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.

Friday, February 4, 2011

I swear it's you.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

this is my confession to the crimes of wanting you, badly.