Sunday, May 31, 2009

it's all very well and good to tell me you care, tell me you love me, tell me you're there for me, you'd never do anything to hurt me blah blah blah. but when it comes down, when i need you the most, you're not there. i should've known you were full of shit. sorry i'm wasting my time loving you. bye.

life goes on though, so i've heard.
wow i'm depressing today.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

i love you sam. last night was fun. i haven't laughed so much in way too long. i love you i love you i love you.

Friday, May 29, 2009

so now that i've managed to push everyone i care about, well and truly away from my problems, i'm left with a whole lot of anger, and still the same problems. goooooooood work lauren.
i'm sleeping around 2 or 3 hours a night. or if i sleep longer, it's because i've taken too many painkillers before bed. 
and generally i have nightmares on the nights that i do actually sleep.
4 shots of coffee per day atleast, to keep me from curling over and dying. reeeally sucks.
on the plus side, i have a hot water bottle, which has a cow cover. and it is quite seriously, the best thing you've ever seen.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

give me something to numb the pain. a new town perhaps. 
kelsey andrews, you are keeping me sane. iloveyou.

i had a nightmare. my chest is still burning and i can't stop crying.
someone kidnapped my brother. it was horrible, seriously.

that's him. he's my favourite.

Monday, May 25, 2009

waaaaayyyy too much CSI for my own good. i love George Eads.
i don't have school for the rest of the week. 
who loves exam leave, minus the exams? i do.
spent the last 7 hours watching CSI. then realised that if i don't stop watching murder mystery, i stand less chance of sleeping than i already did. so no more CSI till tomorrow.
slhasdkiugyapdkghaskldghasldkgh. someone save me from myself.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me, so won't you kill me, so i die happy.
my heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, or wear as jewellery... whichever you prefer.

thanks for driving me insane dashboard/insomnia.
i love you, i need you. i'm sorry.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

i miss you and i hate it.

Friday, May 22, 2009

but i always say,

it'll be a sad day when a long shower, smooth legs and new nail polish can't make me feel better.

this morning: "i wore your hat to bed last night"
"i wore your heart to bed last night."

hey eden finlay, i love you. that reply made my day.

Thursday, May 21, 2009


enough said.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


must be the worst thing for insomnia.
today i've been running on one hour of sleep, 5 shots of coffee, and probably too much nurofen. 

i love this. 

Thursday, May 14, 2009

i just don't even know.

theme song of my life right now... boston, by augustana.
In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.

except my california is tauranga, and my boston... somewhere else. anywhere else. please.
last night i dreamed that i ran away and lived in a little house in the middle of nowhere with a little fireplace. my only neighbours where the people i care about most, and i had zero stresses. it was amazing. then i woke up and it was thursday.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

the future freaks me out.

i love motion city soundtrack.

but more importantly, i've been looking into nursing as a future career recently. i'm getting quite excited about the whole idea.  
also, less than 5 months till we leave for the philippines. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep (:

Sunday, May 3, 2009

top three.

lyds, kels, sammy baby. you three girls mean everything. and my goodness, are all unbelievably good looking.

Friday, May 1, 2009


have no idea how ready i am to get over this. 
and you'll probably never know how much i care, or how much i would've given, or how much you meant.
you promised you'd never do anything to hurt me. well this does.