you were real, you were something. you had arms to hold me and a mouth to kiss me. you weren't just something i made up. you were there. you danced with me, you held me, you protected me, you were there with me when the sun rose, you walked the streets with me at dawn, you kissed me goodbye when the taxi came. you were real, you were something. and now you're gone, like you always said you would be. gone. but i still remember when you were mine.
was it worth it? did you find everything you were looking for in his arms? was it what you'd been expecting that moment to be ever since you were a little girl? did he hold you tight and beg you not to go in the morning? did he text you goodnight the next day when everything caught up to you and you found yourself on the bathroom floor weeping and more alone than ever? stupid girl. he will never love you the way you need to be loved. he probably won't even remember your name by next week. was it worth it?
I know these little moments move Your heart, and I know that right now that's all that matters. In this place where everything inside me wants to fall apart, You hold me together. When I'm too weak to walk this road, You are my strong arm. I will continue to reach for You. Yes, my heart will reach- even if only for a moment before I break- because I know it moves Your heart.
“It’s like, it doesn’t honor God to pretend like everything is OK. That’s the beauty of Jesus that so many people miss. The beauty is that he died on the cross for our sins, but also that he existed the way we exist. He understands what it’s like to lose a friend. He’s not unfamiliar with those emotions. He’s not unfamiliar with the difficulty of human life. To me that’s what makes Jesus as God beautiful. He totally understands. He went out of his way to prove to us that he understands our situation. So when he has something to say, it’s not coming from this high and lofty standpoint. It’s coming from this person who understands intricately the perils of human existence.”
I don't want to become a stranger. I don't want to forget how Your voice sounds or the way You hold me till the storm passes. I don't want to run away from home anymore. I don't want to desire anything less than all of You. I don't want to live in loneliness and fear. I will run into Your arms again. Yes, I will run. Like a prodigal to my Father's warm embrace, I will run. And You carry me, You give Your child sweet rest, You restore my strength.
"you thought you couldn't live without him. on that very first day the weeks and months stretched ahead of you in infinity. they wrapped around the world, then circled the moon and drifted onwards to the universe. you followed this empty time as it skipped lazily across the sky. it forced you to look up at the stars until you lost yourself in their beauty. suddenly much to your surprise, time stood still as the sun rose and your broken heart was filled with light"
(if anyone knows who wrote this, please let me know.)