Can't stop doing stupid shit.

Can't stop making bad decisions.

This isn't how I want to live.

Alright, back to the start, again.

love this love this love this.

I'm done waiting around for people, time to take back control of my own life, things are going to be better from now on.

As of this week I'm getting my life in order.

Class and uni work is my first priority,

Going to the gym at least 3-4 times a week,

Eating, and doing it healthy,

Doing my job well when it comes to work,

Saving money,

Sleeping enough,

Keeping a diary again,

Trying to stay out of trouble.

I need motivation and routine back in my life

before I go crazy and forget what I'm here for.

I swear I'd do it all again for you.

Why do I still miss you? Why do I still wake up every morning with you on my mind? I hate that we don't even talk anymore. I hate that I put so much effort into what I thought we had. I hate that I gave you so much of me and you let me down. I hate that no matter how hard I try, I can't get over you. I thought I was doing better when I had you, but now I realize you just numbed the pain for a while.

I thought you could fix me,

I thought I could fix you.

I destroy everything I touch.

I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind,

So you're gone and I'm haunted, and I bet you are just fine.

Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

I know you have a heavy heart,

I can feel it when we kiss.

I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that Ill probably always be on my own. I'm moving into an apartment by myself this week, in a city where I have no family and about one real friend. I thought I was falling in love with a boy until he turned around and realized he wanted someone else. So now my guards are up more than ever. I'm sick of being the fill-in girl who gets messed around while people decide what they want, or more importantly, who they want. I'm sick of the fact that it never turns out to be me. I'm just sick of being hurt. I never wanted to get back in this place but I'm afraid I am, and I'm afraid it's all too comfortable for me to leave.