Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I'm so broken. I'm hardened, addicted and lost. I'm lonely and needy. I'm jealous and I'm angry. Calloused, offended, confused, obsessive, hurt and upset. I'm insecure. I'm jaded. I'm bitter, and I'm selfish.
I can't let people in, so I let them walk all over me. I'm never enough for the ones I so desperately want to be enough for. I'm retreated and I'm drawn-back. I get hurt too easily, and I never give myself the time to heal. I constantly feel guilty.
From the moment I wake up to the moment I lay my head, I'm never good enough for me. Never skinny enough. Never pretty enough. Never together enough for me. I spend hours in a day dream that I know will never come to pass. I hide my pain, and only ever let it show around the wrong people.
I'm desperate for love. Desperate for healing, for hope, for commitment and for restoration. I long for redemption.
Redemption.
For the soft whisper of I am enough. The touch of a Savior. The blood of a Son. The blood of a man who came to die for my shortcomings. The man who stretched His arms wide on the Hill of calvary and proclaimed to the world that I am His beloved, welcomed me into His embrace. The man who died for my broken heart. For my redemption and my freedom. Spilled His blood, for me. Just, me.
I am carried into His presence,
I am crippled at His table.

2 comments:

MomÖ said...

Oh! Your blog it's sooooo cute (L) and I love all the photos! Sorry for my english, i'm spanish an of course my english is very very BAD!
I read you!

with love Momo. ^.^

Gillian said...

I found your blog a few months ago, and have been reading it every now and then since.

And you are a beautiful writer (I rarely read your words without chills). This is a beautiful post.

I live on the other side of the world, and in all likelihood, we will never meet; yet you are in my prayers. God bless you.