i know there's going to be a time, one day, when i can think back and it won't hurt. i know one day i'll be able to tell everyone about your saving grace. about how i got so close to falling off the edge but still you held me. when i walked alone all those days, sat up at night with the bottles and my mind. tick tick ticking over the fastest way. even the nights i tried. and every morning i woke up to new mercy. when you were the only one by my side and with every passing night another blow to your heart. your hand was always open. your grace was always ready. you carried me. you held my heart. in the thunderstorm that was my life you were my refuge. you never lied to me. you never ran away. you never hurt me. you never left me to myself. you were everywhere and still i never saw you. even when i turned my back you stayed. close by. you never let your beloved slip through your fingers. you always held me. you exchanged your beauty for my ashes. my darkness for your light. i'll forever love you.