i'm going to the Gold Coast tomorrow, with my family. to celebrate my parent's 25th wedding anniversary, wow that's a long time. so i'll be gone for a week, i doubt i'll have much time to hang out on blogspot.. but i will be back on friday 8th of jaunuary.. happy new year everyone, have a safe and fun night! love and bless x

you make it hard for breathing.

the morning light is burning bright, it fills my eyes, it makes me feel alive.

it's cold outside, but it's warming fast

i'd take all morning but the moment's passed.

it's just another day, i've seen it all before

but today i won't take it for granted anymore.

it's nothing new, but i'm seeing clearly now from a different view.

if you saw this dawn, this perfect sky

you'd swear never to say goodbye.

it's nothing new but i'm seeing clearly now from a different view.

sunrise, sunrise

it makes me feel alive

i really really really want to live in America. just for a year. maybe 2011. please Jesus?

i never thought i'd feel this way about you, & it's scaring me.

take my hand and we'll make it through, i'll face my fears just to see you. lightning strikes at my soul, i breathe in deep breaths of hope and i wake up from my quiet dream to see you so perfectly.

and it's all for you.

build me a home inside your scars

build me a home inside your song

build me a home inside your open arms

the only place i ever will belong

meet my homies... ross, andrew, and lizzie.

we play at the park late at night.

don't get me wrong, i love Tauranga and i love my friends,

but i am so excited to get out of here for a week on friday.

bring on the Gold Coast.

this is stupid, today was the second time in less than two weeks that i've been to the airport to farewell someone back to phoenix, AZ. first it was cody, today it was ross. why do all the cool people ditch? i feel like God's pulling my heart to Arizona... please God...? haha. but seriously. i do hate goodbyes.

you make me a little bit weak at the knees.

just a wee tiny bit.

why do i love christmas?

bob dylan

&

the killers

both have fabulous christmas songs for me to enjoy.

hope you all do too! merry christmas everybody!

(click artist names to watch videos)

happy christmas eve everybody (:

i wish people didn't leave all the time,

it does my heart no good.

oh my heart.

but the lightness in your tone

and the brightness of your eyes

keep me coming back for another time

it’s the flashing of your love

and it’s the breaking of your heart

that make me hope that this could be the start

of something good

baby, you're golden.

my heart

is confused

calling; a generation to hide themselves

that one day, they might show themselves.

Tauranga House of Prayer

this place was never the same again

after you came and went

how can you say you meant anything different

to anyone standing alone

on the street with a cigarette

on the first night we met

look to the past

and remember and smile

and maybe tonight

i can breathe for awhile

i'm not in the scene

i think i'm fallin' asleep

but then all that it means is

i'll always be dreaming of you

oh baby, oh, baby.

i feel like i'm finally in the process of healing. most of my days are good days now, i'm done with feeling sorry for myself and letting things get the better of me. those were the days when i wasn't happy. now i am happy, more than that i'm joyful now. not every day is good, but i'm learning how to deal with it right. sometimes i wish healing just happened, like i click my fingers and i'm better, my heart doesn't hurt, my scars are gone, my addictions can't hold me, i don't feel darkness. but what would i be learning if it just happened like that, in one moment. i'm being healed from the inside, with the love of my Jesus, the love of my family, the love of my friends. it hurts. it hurts so much. and sometimes i lose enthusiasm, sometimes i just want to slip back. but always someone picks me back up again. i'm blessed, i'm so blessed. my life is good, my life is so good. this year has been the worst of my life but i know everything happened for a reason. "every scar is a bridge to someone's broken heart" right? i know so much more about life now than i did before any of this. i know that people are broken, i know that hate hurts so much and forgiveness is the first step to healing, i know that holding everything in is unhealthy and that telling someone, being vulnerable is the hardest, best thing you can do. noone cares what you look like after you've been crying, they just care that you've cried, in their arms.. i know what best friends means. i know that probably no boy, no matter how charming he is will ever come close to holding my heart again. i know that if i end up in hospital for attempted suicide, with a needle in my arm and a team of psych nurses around me, my parents will buy me a new bed and send me to counselling. but more importantly that my Jesus will cradle me in his arms and restore me until i can stand again, he'll love me even though i've broken his heart, and he'll forgive me even though i fall short. i'm starting to know the meaning of true friendship. i'm waiting for next year, so that i can make up for the mess i've made of this year. all i want is deep relationship with my Jesus. call me stupid, but i've tried living without him, and i almost didn't come out the other end.

bring on 2010.

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.

lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove.

oh boy.

"we just wound him up like one of those toy monkeys and let him loose"

Cole Mohr

my heart is so full of love,

i just wish i could give it to you.

sing to me the song of the stars

when you find everything you looked for, i hope your life leads you back to my front door. oh but if it don't, stay beautiful.

these are my people. i love them.

and this is how we do at the coffee club at 10pm on a monday night.

oh please 2010, be amazing.

and come soon.

today is a sad day. i hate saying goodbye to people, i hate seeing people i love get on a plane and move back to Arizona....

cody nelson.

have a safe trip, keep being amazing in arizona, come back to us soon.

i'll see you in your hometown in one years time, can't wait.

peace out brother frodo.

going up: 1am missions up the mount, awesome people, spending awesome time with awesome people, house of prayer, gold coast on new years, my rad church, nectarines, summer, lord of the rings parties at ridiculous hours of the morning, mint bubbly chocolate, americans, america, house of prayer internship in february, arizona in november, late late nights, coffee, worship music, being pumped on people, 1&2 samuel, facebook, not topping up, loving people, getting close with people, hope, freedom, candy canes.

going down: Cody moving back to arizona in less than 12 hours, alcohol, lack of dollars, getting up early for work, saying goodbye, missing people, downbuzzed people, boredom, christmas cake.

let love tear down these walls

here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes.

i find i'm moving to the rhythm of your grace

your fragrance is intoxicating

in the secret place

your love is extravagant

i get excited about having a blue tongue, ok.

oh and i have rad friends.

"I just think it's the whipped cream... on top. The Killers are the pie, and I guess my looks are the cherry"

Brandon Flowers

this time next year

i will be in

Phoenix ARIZONA

living the life.

betches.

my heart is a desert that has gone dry

and i need your love to carry me by.

sometimes

not very often,

but sometimes

for no reason,

i just feel sad.

i know one day all our scars will disappear

like the stars at dawn

and all of our pain will fade away when morning comes.

and as long as we live

every scar is a bridge to someone's broken heart.

and there's no greater love

than that one shed his blood for his friends.

"Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience, if only one had a coloured pencil long enough to draw on the ceiling."

- G.K Chesterson