Tuesday, August 4, 2009

you know when you just have those kind of days, where everything feels like shit and you don't wanna see anyone or do anything and you don't eat anything all day and you just wanna curl up in someone's arms and sleep it all off and wake up in the morning and everything's okay again.. even though you know it won't be. and you're sick of everyone talking shit and making judgements. and then you realise that everyone you know has changed this year and that noone actually knows what you're going through because most people these days just think about themselves, and then you realise that maybe you're the one who's changed the most. something you never saw coming, but something that can't be fixed over night. and then you slip back into old habits which landed you in hospital not so long ago and it makes you feel weak and then you realise that you could tell anyone but noone would even care except maybe one person who you don't wanna tell because you feel like you've let her down. and what used to help doesn't help anymore and your 14 year old sister has become your best friend because noone else cares like she does, but then you can't help thinking that none of this is fair on her. and you wanna go to bed but you know that you'll lie awake for way too long wishing for things that can't and won't ever happen, and then you'll cry yourself to sleep and wake up in the morning to the same old shit that you secretly go through every day but have just quit trying to tell anyone because it hurts too much and you feel pathetic and lonely and weak. so fucking weak.
or maybe it's just me.

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