my sister and me, we're tight.

dear eden finlay;

give me the dallas picture.

oh and... i think i love you. alot.

i saw this, it made me think of you, which made me happy.

nobody said it was easy

no one ever said it would be so hard

oh, i'm going back to the start.

and so it goes, the day is okay. the day is usually okay. the day is easier for things to feel okay. light temporarily eases the pain and makes things feel okay. then the sun goes down and the cold, hard night lies ahead. everything hurts more at night. the lonliness, the isolation, the depression intensifies at night. the need to forget. the emptiness inside, the longing for something to change, something to feel that isn't the pain that's been there every night that empties the okay of the day.

and then restless, broken sleep arrives, finally. and then the day arrives. and the day, is okay.

be sure to contact me when you're done being stubborn and childish.

why can't there be some quick fix solution to all this?

i can't handle these nights. i'm sorry.

and why do you have to be so stubborn and egotistic? can't you see that i need you right now?

oh well i guess. life goes on. and it does, go on.

hope you two girls have a fun night. you've been amazing.

my brand new queen size bed arrived thismorning.

it's HUGE.

i'm mostly more excited about the gorgeous new sheets and duvet set mum and i found yesterday. looks very classy.

maybe this will make bed time a little bit easier.

this is seriously hard. sup 1:38am still awake.

i'm scared of myself.

i've never been this low before.

i think i've figured it out, we need to be together. like the shore and the sea. we are not one thing, we're drawn here together, my ocean and me.

lately i've been listening to jon foreman's eps a lot. the man is some kind of angel.

your mood swings are kinda giving me whiplash.

thank you for everything.

you'll never know how much it means.

change.

freedom.

hope.

peace.

love.

faith.

focus.

passion.

amen.

weakling.

you disgust me.

i stole my sister's boyfriend. it was all whirlwind heat and flash and within a week we killed my parents and hit the road.

i own absolutely no patience for anything/anyone whatsoever.

and it annoys me alot.

If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart.. I’ll always be with you.

-Winnie the Pooh

i'm impatient. i have trouble focussing on anything. i get bored easy. my attention span gets shorter and shorter as i get older.

i also have a cinderella colouring-in book. which has held my attention fully and completely for the last 2 and a half hours. oh dear.

and the photo, has nothing to do with anything. i just like it. alot.

whanau.

lauren, daniel, becky, zoe & sam.

these are my siblings. we hang out in the bathroom sometimes. secretly only two of them are biologically related to me, but sam and zoe might as well be.

so scared of sleeping; that i ditch a sleepover with my best friends because i don't wanna disturb them when i wake up crying/screaming/sweating/barely breathing in the middle of the night. this blows.

You have to be always drunk. That’s all there is to it—it’s the only way. So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually drunk.

But on what? Wine, poetry or virtue, as you wish. But be drunk.

And if sometimes, on the steps of a palace or the green grass of a ditch, in the mournful solitude of your room, you wake again, drunkenness already diminishing or gone, ask the wind, the wave, the star, the bird, the clock, everything that is flying, everything that is groaning, everything that is rolling, everything that is singing, everything that is speaking…ask what time it is and wind, wave, star, bird, clock will answer you: “It is time to be drunk! So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, be drunk, be continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish."

— Charles Baudelaire

when the light starts to burn and the pain returns, i just wish that I could heal the hurt you feel tonight. there’s life in your veins, these needles are chains. don’t you doubt. how can you expect to win this war if you’re too afraid to fight?

please, don't.

i just watched this. very good indeed.

this is perfect.

i think, that the thing that sucks the most is now, we only ever talk when you're so trashed you "might infact dribble".

however, i'm trying to decide whether or not i even care anymore. i think not.

and i am so over your games. i quit.

iWant 2

parachute back again. just the people thanks.

a haircut. desperately.

brandon flowers. always.

to do this. for good this time.

a holiday.

wooden plugs for my ears. finally both at 12mm. so happy.

tattoo.

iWant:

this charming young lady to move in next door to me/see me this weekend/know that i love her more than almost anything on the planet.

a good nights sleep. without the nightmares. or the aspirin.

this individual, whoever he may be, to show up on my doorstep and give me the rest of that cigarette. and possibly his hat.

or this individual. just to show up on my doorstep would be enough thanks.

a storm tonight.

tickets to see anberlin in august.

a hug.

this individual,

or this one.

and to actually understand that:

thank you very much.

had a whole bunch of things to say on here. but now my mind's blank. all i can think about is how much i love crime shows. i could watch CSI for days on end. or criminal minds. maybe criminal minds actually. who's keen?

hhmmmmm, probably noone.

here, my dear, this is where... we shake the nightmare free. i dream to hold you in my arms... to hold you in my arms. wide awake, in my arms.

i just love these so much. heaps more here.