i was a kaleidoscope

2011-08-31T20:53:00.000-07:00

Hi people, who's got Tumblr?

I just made one, so follow me on there too :)

www.littleonelauren.tumblr.com

2011-08-21T02:28:00.000-07:00

2011-08-18T02:56:00.000-07:00

2011-08-18T02:55:00.001-07:00

It takes an ocean not to break.

2011-08-17T05:55:00.000-07:00

2011-08-14T13:08:00.000-07:00

Sick of being told that i'm "worth so much" but no one's willing to prove it to me.

Apparently everything's gonna be okay, but they've been saying that for years and it never is.

I'm so tired of being the one everyone replaces after a while. Boys, friends, best friends. So yeah, maybe I am a little down on myself, maybe I do stupid things just to take my mind off it, maybe I do push myself too hard. Do you really wonder why?

2011-08-14T13:07:00.000-07:00

2011-08-12T12:00:00.002-07:00

Buying this top ASAP.

2011-08-12T12:00:00.001-07:00

2011-08-11T12:46:00.000-07:00

Current obsession: Thigh tattoos.

2011-08-11T12:45:00.001-07:00

I guess that's what happens when you let people in,

they destroy you.

2011-08-10T21:54:00.000-07:00

2011-08-08T02:36:00.000-07:00

2011-08-08T00:28:00.000-07:00

2011-08-02T12:20:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah, and this is my latest ink.

2011-08-02T12:16:00.000-07:00

After everything that happened between us, the only thing I regret is meeting you. Because if I didn't know you exist, I wouldn't still be hung up on you. I hate that I still have dreams about you, I hate that I still wake up alone. I hate that you couldn't care less. Fuck you, I can't handle this anymore. I wish I was good enough for you.

2011-08-01T02:05:00.000-07:00

And when you find everything you've looked for,

I hope your life leads you back to my front door.

2011-07-31T03:00:00.000-07:00

2011-07-27T17:32:00.000-07:00

2011-07-27T17:28:00.000-07:00

Can't stop doing stupid shit.

Can't stop making bad decisions.

This isn't how I want to live.

Alright, back to the start, again.

2011-07-25T02:30:00.000-07:00

love this love this love this.

2011-07-24T22:56:00.000-07:00

2011-07-24T22:54:00.000-07:00

2011-07-24T02:18:00.001-07:00

I'm done waiting around for people, time to take back control of my own life, things are going to be better from now on.

2011-07-24T02:17:00.000-07:00

2011-07-24T02:13:00.000-07:00

As of this week I'm getting my life in order.

Class and uni work is my first priority,

Going to the gym at least 3-4 times a week,

Eating, and doing it healthy,

Doing my job well when it comes to work,

Saving money,

Sleeping enough,

Keeping a diary again,

Trying to stay out of trouble.

I need motivation and routine back in my life

before I go crazy and forget what I'm here for.

2011-07-21T03:37:00.000-07:00

2011-07-20T01:10:00.001-07:00

I swear I'd do it all again for you.

2011-07-19T02:23:00.000-07:00

2011-07-18T00:49:00.002-07:00

Why do I still miss you? Why do I still wake up every morning with you on my mind? I hate that we don't even talk anymore. I hate that I put so much effort into what I thought we had. I hate that I gave you so much of me and you let me down. I hate that no matter how hard I try, I can't get over you. I thought I was doing better when I had you, but now I realize you just numbed the pain for a while.

I thought you could fix me,

I thought I could fix you.

2011-07-18T00:49:00.001-07:00

2011-07-18T00:48:00.001-07:00

I destroy everything I touch.

2011-07-11T15:55:00.000-07:00

2011-07-11T15:19:00.000-07:00

I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind,

So you're gone and I'm haunted, and I bet you are just fine.

Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

2011-07-08T02:36:00.000-07:00

2011-07-08T02:34:00.000-07:00

2011-07-06T02:35:00.000-07:00

I know you have a heavy heart,

I can feel it when we kiss.

2011-07-04T00:54:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that Ill probably always be on my own. I'm moving into an apartment by myself this week, in a city where I have no family and about one real friend. I thought I was falling in love with a boy until he turned around and realized he wanted someone else. So now my guards are up more than ever. I'm sick of being the fill-in girl who gets messed around while people decide what they want, or more importantly, who they want. I'm sick of the fact that it never turns out to be me. I'm just sick of being hurt. I never wanted to get back in this place but I'm afraid I am, and I'm afraid it's all too comfortable for me to leave.

2011-06-29T02:37:00.000-07:00

Never mind I'll find someone like you.

Who am I kidding, no I won't.

I think it's time I start collecting cats to die alone with.

2011-06-28T16:42:00.000-07:00

2011-06-28T16:37:00.000-07:00

You're still the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep and the first thing on my mind when I wake up. It's killing me to think that you don't know how much I care.

2011-06-27T14:36:00.000-07:00

2011-06-27T14:35:00.000-07:00

2011-06-27T14:29:00.000-07:00

I need to learn to be on my own, and to be alright with it. I need to remember that I'm OK, and I have a few best friends around me who will fight for that. I need to remember my salvation everyday. I need to remember that I am a daughter of the Most High King and that He alone holds my world.

2011-06-27T14:23:00.000-07:00

And if life seems absurd

What you need is some laughter

And a season to sleep

And a place to get clean

2011-06-27T14:17:00.000-07:00

Everything's nothing without you.

2011-06-23T19:17:00.000-07:00

For my shame

You give me romance,

For my dirge

You give me a wedding dance,

For my rags

You give me riches,

For my scars

You give me kisses,

For my filth

You give me treasure,

For my pain

You give me pleasure,

For me

You give me You.

2011-06-23T12:42:00.000-07:00

I have heard that winter's cold

Will give way to summer's warmth

2011-06-23T02:01:00.000-07:00

2011-06-23T01:59:00.001-07:00

... But I think it's too late. F#$K.

2011-06-22T01:29:00.000-07:00

2011-06-19T13:30:00.000-07:00

2011-06-12T13:28:00.000-07:00

2011-06-08T15:52:00.000-07:00

2011-06-06T15:39:00.000-07:00

2011-06-05T12:35:00.001-07:00

You're going to break my heart, aren't you?

2011-06-05T03:30:00.000-07:00

2011-06-04T00:25:00.000-07:00

I'm on my guard for the rest of the world but with you, I know it's no good.

2011-06-04T00:22:00.001-07:00

I can't shake the feeling that it's just a matter of time before you wake up and realize you're too good for me.

2011-05-29T11:55:00.000-07:00

2011-05-28T14:55:00.000-07:00

Maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me.

2011-05-28T14:52:00.000-07:00

just because i'm used to it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anymore.

2011-05-25T01:15:00.001-07:00

2011-05-25T00:29:00.000-07:00

2011-05-24T02:09:00.000-07:00

Maybe one day I won't be single.

2011-05-22T01:13:00.000-07:00

2011-05-22T01:05:00.000-07:00

messed it up. as usual.

2011-05-22T00:53:00.000-07:00

2011-05-19T23:07:00.000-07:00

I love waking up in your arms

with my legs wrapped up in yours

and those sleepy morning forehead kisses.

2011-05-19T22:46:00.000-07:00

2011-05-18T04:19:00.000-07:00

2011-05-17T00:57:00.001-07:00

2011-05-16T21:04:00.000-07:00

2011-05-16T20:21:00.000-07:00

all the bad boys are standing in the shadows

and the good girls are home with broken hearts

2011-05-15T22:54:00.000-07:00

It's been too long since I posted a screenshot from The O.C..

Happy Monday friends :)

2011-05-15T03:30:00.000-07:00

2011-05-15T03:28:00.000-07:00

2011-05-14T21:43:00.000-07:00

I wish I didn't, but I still do.

2011-05-13T15:01:00.000-07:00

Prone to wander.

2011-05-12T00:31:00.000-07:00

I never planned for you to come along and make me feel like this.

But I'm glad you did.

2011-05-08T02:29:00.000-07:00

2011-05-07T19:47:00.001-07:00

i hate you.

2011-05-05T12:28:00.000-07:00

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.

2011-05-04T02:15:00.000-07:00

It's not very often that I take photos of myself, and very less often that I ever put them on my blog.. but, I got new hair extensions today and I was feeling pretty, so here you go :)

2011-05-03T01:30:00.000-07:00

I'm still carrying a little hope

that maybe things could be different now.

Is that so wrong?

2011-05-01T03:21:00.001-07:00

I'm standing on the edge of me.

2011-05-01T01:47:00.000-07:00

some days I feel like shit

some days I wanna quit

2011-04-30T20:47:00.000-07:00

Apparently one day this heartache is going to end.

2011-04-30T15:27:00.001-07:00

you met me at a very strange time in my life.

It's been 2 months now since I left home.

2011-04-30T14:40:00.000-07:00

I need Your strength to feel this weak.

2011-04-30T14:31:00.000-07:00

2011-04-30T00:55:00.000-07:00

When things feel like they can't get much worse,

keep calm and buy bright red Vans.

2011-04-28T01:04:00.000-07:00

2011-04-25T03:10:00.000-07:00

If it's true that every heartache makes you stronger, I'm going to be bulletproof one of these days.

Sick of having to be guarded with everyone, sick of acting like nothing hurts, sick of convincing myself I'm over it.

I hate dreaming that you're next to me and waking up alone.

I hate that you let me down, I hate that you broke your promises, I hate that you still have this hold on me, but what I hate the most is that I'd take you back in a heartbeat and all this would still mean nothing to you.

I thought you were decent, I thought you were a man.

Stupid girl, should've known.

2011-04-25T00:22:00.000-07:00

2011-04-24T01:37:00.000-07:00

free falling.

2011-04-24T01:04:00.000-07:00

so what? I lied.

I lie to me too.

2011-04-23T15:47:00.000-07:00

For the first time, it suddenly doesn't hurt anymore. I'm starting to realize that it really isn't me, it's you. There's no point in crying over, waiting for or dreaming about someone who couldn't care less about me. So from now, I don't care either. Do what you want, by the time you see me again next week I won't even blink at the sight of you. You can deal with the tension between us, because it is no longer my problem. And that is amazingly freeing.

2011-04-22T00:08:00.000-07:00

Call it off,

Break my own heart.

Maybe I would've been something you'd be good at,

Maybe you would've been something I'd be good at.

But now we'll never know.

2011-04-21T20:31:00.000-07:00